I wanna passion pit in your ass
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
