You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
