those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
