i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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