I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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