Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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