listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
