Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
