he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
