tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
