belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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