i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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