he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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