Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
