What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
