Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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