remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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