By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
