Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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