Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
