Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
