C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
