How'd it feel making her break her religion?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
