Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
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Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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