Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
