question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
