last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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