The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
