who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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