he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So much rum. So many feels.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
