I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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