in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
