fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
