I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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