Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
