she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
