the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
