Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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