I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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