New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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