When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
