It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
