; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
