not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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