just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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