i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
