what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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