so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
