I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I will be naked everywhere
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
