You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
