What did we do last night that was yellow?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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