do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
