carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
